I've been in a tumultuous relationship for two years with someone who struggles with addiction

Being in a relationship with someone who struggles with addiction can be one of the most challenging and heart-wrenching experiences. As Christians, we are called to love and support one another, but it is also essential to recognize when a relationship is causing more harm than good. This article aims to provide guidance and support for those in similar situations, drawing from biblical principles and practical advice.

Lorena’s Story

I’ve been in a tumultuous relationship for two years with someone who struggles with addiction. When we met, he had been sober for a year, but despite warnings from my friends and family who noticed changes in my behavior, I fell deeply in love and chose to overlook potential red flags due to my own insecurities and co-dependency.

Unfortunately, he relapsed into using cocaine and heroin, and during this period, he introduced me to drugs. I’ve since stopped using any substances, but the experience left me feeling deeply ashamed. When he relapsed, I contacted his parents, and with their help, he entered rehab. During his recovery, we took a break from our relationship.

Once he was out of rehab, showing significant improvement, and even securing a job at a prestigious law firm, we decided to move in together. We adopted two cats and our life together seemed to be on a positive track. However, three weeks ago, I discovered he had relapsed again after more than a year of sobriety.

This discovery has devastated me. Despite knowing that I should leave for my own well-being, my low self-esteem and love for him make it feel impossible. I’m overwhelmed with despair, struggling to function in my daily life and at my new job. I am at a point where I desperately need help and support.

Note: All names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

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Your story is a poignant example of the complexities involved in loving someone with an addiction. You met your partner when he was sober, fell deeply in love, and despite warnings, chose to stay with him. His relapse into cocaine and heroin use not only affected him but also introduced you to substances, leaving you feeling ashamed. After a period of recovery and apparent improvement, he relapsed again, leaving you devastated and struggling to function.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.Proverbs 3:5-6

Biblical Insights on Addiction and Relationships

Recognize the Bondage of Addiction: The Bible speaks about the bondage of sin and addiction. Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.” Addiction can feel like a trap, but trusting in God can provide safety and guidance.
Set Healthy Boundaries: Boundaries are crucial in any relationship, especially when dealing with addiction. As Leah Grey mentions, “Boundaries in a relationship affected by addiction don’t need to be unloving or aggressive. When done properly, boundaries are the way of God” . Setting boundaries can protect your well-being and provide a framework for your partner’s recovery.
Seek Godly Wisdom and Support: It is essential to seek counsel from trusted Christian advisors, pastors, or counselors. Proverbs 11:14 states, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Surround yourself with a supportive community that can offer wisdom and encouragement.

Practical Steps to Take

Reexamine Your Understanding of Control: Understand that you are not responsible for your partner’s addiction. You can support him, but you cannot control his actions. Surrender control to God and focus on your own well-being .
Recognize the Source of Your Fears: Fear of being alone or losing your partner can keep you in an unhealthy relationship. Trust that God will provide for your needs and give you the strength to make difficult decisions .
Replace Unhealthy Relationships with Wise Friendships: Cultivate healthy friendships that support and uplift you. Jesus modeled good friendship, and following His example can help you find relationships that are based on mutual love and respect .
Practice Self-Care: Taking care of yourself is vital. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help alleviate stress. Prayer, exercise, and hobbies can revive your spirit and provide clarity in difficult moments .
Get Professional Support: Consider seeking help from a Christian counselor who can provide guidance and support tailored to your faith and situation. Professional counseling can help you navigate your emotions and make informed decisions .

Loving someone with an addiction is incredibly challenging, but you are not alone. God sees your struggles and is with you every step of the way. By setting healthy boundaries, seeking support, and focusing on your well-being, you can navigate this difficult journey with faith and hope. Remember, God’s love and grace are sufficient to carry you through even the darkest times.

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.Psalm 34:17-18

If you are struggling, reach out to your church community, a trusted counselor, or support groups. There is hope, and with God’s help, you can find the strength to make the best decisions for your life and well-being.

But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.2 Corinthians 12:9

Share the story with family and friends, allowing them to experience it alongside you.