I have been married to my husband for 3 years, and we have a daughter who is 8 months old

Living with a spouse who struggles with addiction can be an emotional rollercoaster, filled with moments of hope, despair, confusion, and heartache. As a Christian, you may find yourself grappling with feelings of betrayal, guilt, and helplessness, all while trying to maintain your faith and support your family. This article aims to provide insight, support, and practical advice for those facing similar challenges.

Angela’s Story

I have been married to my husband for 3 years, and we have a daughter who is 8 months old. I first found out about his addiction to crack cocaine in 2012. Our relationship has had many ups and downs since then. He went to rehab 3 times. The first time, he only stayed a couple of days. The second time, he stayed for a month. The third and final time, the program was supposed to be for 3 months, but he only stayed for 1 month.

After that last time in rehab, which was last year, he swore up and down that he had no desire to ever do crack again, and for a long time, I believed him. However, little mysterious things would happen here and there that made me doubtful. For example, one day we were at his mom’s house, and he asked me for the food stamp card so he could go to the store to buy dinner for us to eat with his mom. I let him see the card, and he went to the grocery store by himself. He was gone for a little while, but when he returned, I checked the balance of my card, and there was an extra $20 missing besides what he spent on the dinner. I asked him what happened to the extra $20, and he said he didn’t know. I called the grocery store to find out what was purchased, and they told me some pizza and ground beef. So that means he paid for someone else’s groceries too with the food stamps in exchange for their cash.

Since March, he’s been hanging out with a man who’s like 20+ years older than him. My husband is only 27. Since March, he’s been hanging out with this man, and he started becoming more distant from me and our baby. He NEVER had time for us, NEVER! He would stay out in my car at all hours of the night or not come home at all. When he is home, we still don’t get any quality time because he’ll sleep the whole day away (literally like 8/9 hours straight through). After he wakes up, it’s back to his friend’s house. Then he blames me for the reason he’s not home. He says I’m so negative and argumentative. But I only complain because I know something’s not right; he’s not acting like himself.

I asked my husband if his friend sells crack, but he denied it and said he only sells weed. But recently, I found out that the friend indeed does sell crack. Now my husband doesn’t come home at all or call me or his own mother. I need help and insight into what the problem might be because I keep second-guessing myself and blaming myself by thinking maybe he isn’t on drugs, maybe it is me. I’m driving myself crazy. I can’t believe he’s doing this to me and our baby. He doesn’t even check on his one and only child! How could he abandon us like this? I’m an emotional wreck.

Note: All names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

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Being married to someone struggling with addiction is a heart-wrenching experience, especially when you have a young child to care for. Your story is one of pain, confusion, and a desperate search for answers. As a Christian, you may find yourself torn between your faith, your love for your husband, and the need to protect yourself and your child. This article aims to provide you with biblical insights, practical advice, and emotional support to help you navigate this challenging journey.

Understanding Addiction

Addiction is a complex issue that affects not just the individual but everyone around them. It can lead to erratic behavior, financial strain, and emotional turmoil. Your husband’s repeated relapses and his current behavior suggest that he is still struggling with his addiction to crack cocaine. Addiction often leads to deceitful behavior, as you’ve experienced with the missing money and his association with a friend who sells drugs.

Biblical Perspective on Addiction

The Bible does address issues related to addiction, often linking it to idolatry and a lack of self-control. Galatians 5:20 mentions “sorcery” (Greek: pharmakeia), which is closely related to drug use and is condemned alongside other sins. Addiction is seen as a form of idolatry because it places a substance above God in one’s life (Matthew 6:24).

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.Philippians 4:6-7

Setting Boundaries

One of the most loving things you can do for your husband is to set healthy boundaries. This is not about being punitive but about protecting yourself and your child while encouraging your husband to seek help. Proverbs 4:23 advises, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Setting boundaries can include:

No Drugs in the House: Make it clear that drugs are not allowed in your home.
Curfew: Establish a reasonable time for him to be home.
Financial Boundaries: Control the finances to prevent misuse of funds.

Seeking Help

Your husband’s addiction is not something you can fix on your own. It requires professional help. Encourage him to seek treatment, and consider involving a trusted pastor or Christian counselor. Matthew 18:15-17 provides a framework for dealing with a sinning brother, which can be adapted to your situation. If he refuses to listen, it may be necessary to involve others or even consider a temporary separation for the safety and well-being of you and your child.

Self-Care and Support

It’s crucial to take care of yourself during this time. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Engage in activities that bring you joy and peace, such as prayer, reading the Bible, and spending time with supportive friends and family. Philippians 4:13 reminds us, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.2 Corinthians 12:9

Prayer and Faith

Never underestimate the power of prayer. James 5:16 says, “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” Pray for your husband’s deliverance from addiction, for wisdom in making decisions, and for strength to endure this trial.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.Isaiah 41:10

Your husband’s addiction is a severe issue that requires immediate attention. While it’s easy to blame yourself, remember that his addiction is not your fault. You are doing the best you can in a very challenging situation. Lean on your faith, set healthy boundaries, seek professional help, and take care of yourself and your child. God is with you, and He will guide you through this storm.

If you need further support, consider joining a support group for spouses of addicts, such as Al-Anon or a church-based group. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. There is hope, and with God’s help, you can navigate through this difficult time.

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