Dealing with a high-functioning alcoholic spouse can be incredibly challenging, especially when it impacts your emotional well-being and sense of self-worth. Your story is a poignant reminder of the silent struggles many face in similar situations. Here are some resources and strategies that might help you navigate this difficult period, rebuild your self-worth, and address your anger constructively.
My heart goes out to you as you navigate the pain and anger caused by your husband’s alcoholism. The feelings of worthlessness, humiliation and betrayal you describe are understandable reactions to an incredibly challenging situation. Please know that your value is not defined by your husband’s choices or how others treat you. You are a beloved daughter of the Most High God, created in His image with inherent dignity and worth.
It’s important to acknowledge the validity of your anger. Ephesians 4:26 says “Be angry and do not sin,” indicating that anger itself is not wrong – it’s what we do with it that matters. Your husband has broken your trust and disrespected your marriage vows through his excessive drinking and deception. You have every right to feel angry. The challenge is not letting that anger lead you into bitterness or destructive actions.
Bringing your raw emotions to God in prayer can be very healing. Pour out your heart to Him, sharing your hurts and frustrations. Ask Him to help you process the anger in a healthy way. Meditate on scriptures about God’s love for you, such as Zephaniah 3:17 – “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” Internalizing your true identity as God’s beloved child will help combat the feelings of worthlessness.
In terms of practical steps, setting clear boundaries with your husband is crucial, but do so after you’ve had time to calm down and think rationally, not in the heat of anger. Explain that you cannot tolerate secrets and lies. Encourage him to seek help, but recognize you cannot force him to change. Focus on getting support for yourself through counseling, prayer, and educating yourself about alcoholism and codependency. Attend Al-Anon meetings if any are available.
Some helpful Christian resources include the book “How to Handle Your Emotions: Anger, Depression, Fear, Grief, Rejection, Self-Worth” by June Hunt, which offers biblical wisdom for managing difficult emotions. The book “Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis” by Dr. James Dobson provides guidance for responding to a spouse’s destructive behaviors.
Also consider listening to podcasts like “Therapy & Theology” by Lysa TerKeurst, which addresses mental health from a Christian perspective, or “The Next Right Thing” by Emily P. Freeman, which offers soulful encouragement for making decisions.
Above all, know that you are not alone and that God sees you, loves you, and will carry you through this trial as you trust in Him. He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). Reach out to wise, compassionate believers who can pray for you and remind you of God’s unfailing love. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. And never forget that your worth comes from who you are in Christ, not your circumstances.
