I've been dating a guy for about 10 months, and it's been quite a journey

You are in a relationship with someone who is going through a very difficult time. Your partner is entangled in a prolonged divorce process, has children from the previous marriage, and is living with his parents. While the relationship started well, things have taken a concerning turn in recent months.

Helen’s Story

I’ve been dating a guy for about 10 months, and it’s been quite a journey. He’s been entangled in a prolonged three-year divorce process with his ex-wife, though I’m not exactly sure what the core issues are. He has two kids, ages 6 and 8, and lives with his parents, taking care of his children every other week. Initially, everything was going well; we would play tennis and softball together and spend every other weekend in each other’s company.

However, things began to change around the holidays when he became more withdrawn, which I attributed to depression possibly due to not having his kids around. More recently, he has stopped bringing his children when he visits, and whenever I try to discuss it or anything significant, he avoids the conversation, claiming it’s never a good time or he’s not feeling well.

Lately, there are days when he just sleeps through, even missing our planned activities. He’s been open about his use of Xanax and Adderall since the start of our relationship, which I initially accepted without judgment. However, as time has gone on, the last few months felt like a roller coaster. About two months ago, he even ghosted me for a week, including nearly forgetting my birthday, which really hurt. After I reached out, he apologized and promised not to disappear like that again.

Just this past Tuesday, his birthday, he was supposed to meet me for lunch but didn’t show up. I left his birthday card and gift at his house and tried contacting him several times to no avail. I’ve seen him like this before—sleeping excessively and sweating profusely upon waking, which makes me worry about an overdose, especially since he mixes his medication with alcohol.

He hasn’t responded to my messages since his birthday, and I’m really hurt that he hasn’t even thanked me. I’m concerned about his health and safety, especially since he drinks while driving his children. The combination of prescription drugs, alcohol, and his increasing withdrawal from our relationship is alarming. I love him deeply and he often talks about a future together, but I’m feeling stuck and unsure of how to proceed. My friends and family suggest waiting for him to reach out, but I’m worried about him and our relationship. Is anyone else in a similar situation or has experienced this? What should I do?

Note: All names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

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Your partner has become increasingly withdrawn, avoids meaningful conversations, and has stopped bringing his children during visits. He sleeps excessively for days, misses planned activities, and even ghosted you for a week, nearly forgetting your birthday. This behavior seems to coincide with his use of prescription medications like Xanax and Adderall, which he mixes with alcohol.

You are deeply concerned about his health and safety, especially since he drinks while driving his children. Despite his talks of a future together, his increasing withdrawal from the relationship and concerning behavior have left you feeling hurt, stuck, and unsure of how to proceed.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Biblical Perspective

From a Christian perspective, it is clear that your partner is struggling with addiction and mental health issues, which are taking a toll on your relationship. The Bible teaches us to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) and to love one another as Christ loved us (John 13:34).

However, it is also important to set healthy boundaries and not enable destructive behavior. Proverbs 27:12 warns, “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” Your partner’s actions are putting himself and his children at risk, and you cannot ignore this danger.

Seeking Professional Help

The first step is to encourage your partner to seek professional help for his addiction and mental health issues. Addiction is a disease that requires medical treatment and counseling. You cannot fix him or force him to change, but you can express your concerns and support him in seeking help.

If he is unwilling to seek help, you may need to involve his family or even the authorities, especially if his behavior puts his children at risk. As Christians, we are called to obey the laws of the land (Romans 13:1-2), and child endangerment is a serious matter.

Setting Boundaries

While you love your partner and want to support him, you cannot enable his destructive behavior or put yourself in harm’s way. Setting healthy boundaries is essential for your own well-being and for encouraging positive change in your partner.

This may mean limiting contact or even temporarily separating until he seeks help and demonstrates a commitment to recovery. It is not unloving to distance yourself from someone who is actively engaging in self-destructive behavior; rather, it is a form of tough love that may be necessary to wake them up to the seriousness of their situation.

Seeking Support

Supporting a partner through addiction and mental health issues can be emotionally and mentally draining. It is crucial that you seek support for yourself as well. Lean on your Christian community, attend support groups (such as Al-Anon for loved ones of addicts), and consider seeking counseling to help you navigate this difficult situation.

Remember, you are not alone, and you do not have to carry this burden alone. God promises to be a refuge and strength in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1), and He has given us the body of Christ to bear one another’s burdens.

Prayer

Dealing with a partner’s addiction and mental health issues is a complex and challenging situation. While love and support are essential, enabling destructive behavior or putting yourself in harm’s way is not the answer.

Encourage your partner to seek professional help, set healthy boundaries, and seek support for yourself. Above all, trust in God’s wisdom and strength to guide you through this difficult time. With faith, patience, and wise counsel, there is hope for healing and restoration, even in the darkest of circumstances.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

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