I've been with my husband for eight years, and we've been married for six

Marriage is a sacred covenant, a union meant to reflect the love and commitment between Christ and His church. However, when one partner struggles with alcoholism, the sanctity of this bond can be severely tested. As a Christian wife, you may find yourself grappling with a complex mix of emotions, responsibilities, and decisions. This article aims to provide guidance, support, and biblical wisdom for those facing the heart-wrenching challenges of living with an alcoholic spouse.

Betty’s Story

I’ve been with my husband for eight years, and we’ve been married for six. Over time, his alcoholism has worsened, transitioning from functional to dangerous and abusive behavior. He’s started taking risks like drunk driving to buy more alcohol, and he’s begun hiding his drinking from me, pretending it’s less severe than it is.

His behavior towards me has grown increasingly hostile and irritable, especially when he’s sober. Our time together is overshadowed by his drunkenness. He works night shifts as an airplane mechanic, and on his days off, he begins drinking the moment he gets home, continuing until he passes out. This pattern repeats daily, and by the time I return from work, he’s typically drunk and ready to argue, often disrespecting me in front of my daughter from a previous marriage.

Efforts to discuss his drinking or express my feelings are met with anger and dismissive cursing. Last year, after a particularly severe incident where he destroyed my work monitor while drunk, he moved out temporarily but soon returned, promising to address his drinking problem—a promise he didn’t keep.

Now, his routine is predictable: he comes home, drinks until he passes out, and then wakes up irritable, only to warm up to me briefly before his next drinking session. This cycle has left no room for me in his life, yet he resents the lack of intimacy between us.

Recently, his parents visited, both of whom also struggle with alcoholism. After their visit, he moved in with his sister, and I’ve been contemplating divorce. Despite my desire to end the marriage, I hesitate due to financial concerns and potential conflicts over our assets and alimony, given that I earn more than he does. I’m trying to stay calm and rational as I consider my next steps.

Note: All names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

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Alcoholism is a chronic disease that affects not only the individual but also their loved ones. The emotional, physical, and spiritual toll can be overwhelming. Your husband’s transition from functional to dangerous and abusive behavior is a clear indication of the severity of his addiction. His actions, such as drunk driving and hiding his drinking, are not just harmful to himself but also to you and your family.

Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine. Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights, and your mind will imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging. ‘They hit me,’ you will say, ‘but I’m not hurt! They beat me, but I don’t feel it! When will I wake up so I can find another drink?’Proverbs 23:29-35

The Emotional Rollercoaster

Living with an alcoholic spouse often means enduring a cycle of hope and disappointment. Your husband’s promises to address his drinking problem, followed by repeated failures, can lead to feelings of betrayal and hopelessness. It’s crucial to recognize that these emotions are valid and that you are not alone in this struggle.

Biblical Guidance and Support

As a Christian, turning to the Bible for guidance can provide comfort and direction. Here are some key principles to consider:

Seek Wisdom and Counsel: James 1:5 encourages us to seek wisdom from the Lord. Surround yourself with godly counsel, whether from a pastor, a Christian counselor, or a trusted friend. Galatians 6:2 reminds us to bear one another’s burdens, so don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
Set Healthy Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is essential for your well-being and that of your family. Let your husband know that his destructive behavior will no longer be tolerated. This might include setting rules about drinking in the house or insisting on his participation in a sobriety program. Boundaries are not about punishment but about creating a safe and loving environment (1 Corinthians 6:10).
Understand the Disease: Educate yourself about alcoholism. Understanding that your husband’s behavior is a result of his addiction can help you separate the disease from the person. This knowledge can also equip you to better support him while maintaining your own emotional health.
Avoid Enabling: It’s natural to want to protect your spouse from the consequences of their actions, but this can sometimes enable their addiction. Allowing your husband to face the natural consequences of his behavior can be a powerful motivator for change (Proverbs 20:1).
Prayer and Faith: Lean on your faith during this challenging time. Pray for strength, wisdom, and guidance. Trust that God is with you and that He has a plan for your life, even in the midst of this storm (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Practical Steps

Intervention: Consider staging an intervention with the help of a professional. Gather family and friends who care about your husband and express your concerns in a loving and non-judgmental way. This can sometimes be the catalyst needed for him to seek help.
Self-Care: Your well-being is crucial. Engage in activities that nourish your soul and body. Seek counseling for yourself to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.
Legal and Financial Considerations: If you are contemplating divorce, consult with a legal professional to understand your rights and options. Financial concerns are valid, and it’s important to have a clear picture of what a separation might entail.

Living with an alcoholic spouse is one of the most challenging situations a Christian wife can face. However, by seeking wisdom, setting healthy boundaries, and leaning on your faith, you can navigate this difficult journey. Remember, you are not alone. God sees your pain and is with you every step of the way. Trust in His plan, and take the necessary steps to protect yourself and your family.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, know that there is hope and help available. Reach out to your church community, seek professional counseling, and most importantly, lean on your faith. God is a refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1).

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