My mother has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember

Dealing with a parent’s alcoholism can be an incredibly difficult and painful experience, especially when it has been a long-standing issue. As Christians, we are called to love and forgive, but that doesn’t mean we have to enable or ignore destructive behaviors. Here are some thoughts on coping with a parent’s alcoholism from a Christian perspective.

Petrina’s Story

My mother has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. When I was a child, I didn’t realize she was drunk – my dad covered everything up, and I just thought she was sick. There were countless times throughout my childhood where she was intoxicated, but I only understood the extent of her drinking problem about 10 years ago. It has only gotten worse since then. She drinks every single day – she drives drunk, works drunk, and is just drunk constantly. It has become progressively worse.

The biggest mistake is that my family and I have never directly confronted her about her alcoholism. It has been this huge, devastating secret despite several major medical incidents over the years that could have prompted an intervention. Recently, after a car accident, I finally told her that I know she has a drinking problem and that we’ve always known. As expected, she tried to deny it until she couldn’t refute my statements anymore. However, she then turned it around and blamed everyone else for her problems.

I just don’t have the time or energy for this. I’ve become so numb to her alcoholism that I just don’t care anymore. This makes me feel guilty though, and I’m really struggling with my lack of compassion and empathy, especially since my 2-year-old daughter is very close to her grandmother. It hurts me to think of my daughter never seeing my mom again.

My childhood wasn’t the worst, but I was severely beaten countless times. I’ve moved past it and forgiven my mother for physically hurting me, even though she never apologized. I’ve chosen to move on. She is still an active part of my life, but now that this has all exploded, I don’t think she’ll talk to me. I’m not sure how she’ll be able to face me now that she knows I know she has this problem for sure. It makes me sad because my daughter was so close to her grandmother.

I don’t know what to think or feel about all of this. It’s just an overwhelming situation.

Note: All names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

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First, it’s important to understand that alcoholism is a disease, not a moral failing. The Bible speaks strongly against drunkenness (Ephesians 5:18, Proverbs 23:20-21), but it also calls us to have compassion on those who are struggling with sin and brokenness (Galatians 6:1-2). Your mother’s alcoholism is likely rooted in deeper pain, trauma, or mental health issues that she has been self-medicating with alcohol.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.Matthew 11:28-30

Set Boundaries with Love

While you cannot control your mother’s choices, you can control how you respond to them. Setting boundaries is not a lack of love, but a way to protect yourself and your family from enabling destructive behavior. Boundaries could include not being around her when she is drunk, not giving her money that may fund her addiction, or limiting contact until she seeks help.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.Ephesians 4:31-32

Seek Support and Counseling

You don’t have to go through this alone. Seek out support groups like Al-Anon, which can provide you with a community of people who understand what you’re going through. Professional counseling can also help you process the trauma and emotions surrounding your mother’s alcoholism.

Pray for Healing and Restoration

As Christians, we believe in the power of prayer and the ability of God to heal and restore even the most broken situations. Pray for your mother’s deliverance from alcoholism, for strength and wisdom for yourself, and for healing in your family relationships.

Extend Grace and Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not minimizing the pain or excusing the behavior, but rather a choice to let go of bitterness and resentment. While your mother’s actions have caused deep hurt, extending forgiveness can free you from carrying that burden. Remember, we have all fallen short and are in need of God’s grace (Romans 3:23).

Hold on to Hope

Even in the darkest of situations, we can hold on to the hope we have in Christ. Your mother’s story is not over, and God can still work in her life and in your family. Trust that God can bring beauty from ashes and that your daughter can still have a meaningful relationship with her grandmother, even if it looks different than you imagined.

Coping with a parent’s alcoholism is an incredibly difficult journey, but you don’t have to walk it alone. Lean on your faith community, seek professional support, and trust in God’s ability to bring healing and restoration. With boundaries, forgiveness, and hope, you can navigate this challenge while still honoring your mother and preserving your own well-being.

Share the story with family and friends, allowing them to experience it alongside you.