Six months ago, I separated and divorced my ex-wife

As a Christian parent, your primary responsibility is to ensure the safety and well-being of your children. When faced with a situation where your ex-spouse is making decisions that could potentially endanger your children, it is crucial to take immediate and thoughtful action. This article will provide guidance on how to navigate such a challenging situation, drawing on Christian principles and practical legal steps.

Thomas’s Story

Six months ago, I separated and divorced my ex-wife. The marriage couldn’t be saved, so we mutually decided to divorce. We’ve been living separately for 7 months now. Our kids spend half their time with me and half with her. I live 2 minutes away, so it’s been working out well. However, my ex-wife is still drinking, and that hasn’t changed.

On Saturday, my ex-wife informed me that for financial reasons, to help cover the bills, she’s getting a roommate. It’s odd that she’s already experiencing financial issues after only 6 months. Her prospective roommate is someone she works with, a 43-year-old divorced guy with a 9-year-old son. This is a HUGE red flag. She’s only known him for 6 months, but she feels comfortable asking him to move both him and his son into her house with our kids.

I immediately expressed concern about this idea. There is no lease or tenant agreement; he’s just moving in, which is a terrible idea with so many potential issues. She said this is better than renting to a random person off the street because “I know him.” I told her she absolutely does NOT know him.

When I went to pick up the kids for school on Tuesday morning, he and his son were sleeping on the couch. I also saw the kids’ Xbox connected to the TV, and there was an Amazon package with his name but my ex-wife’s address. It was obvious he’s already living there. I was supposed to receive 30 days’ notice if she was going to have someone move in as a roommate, but I had never heard about this guy until last week.

Once I got all his information, I ran a background check. He has a serious criminal record, including domestic violence against his ex-wife and assault against his brother. Some charges were dismissed, but others he pled guilty to, and based on what I found, he’s either spent time in jail, had a jail sentence suspended, or has had an electronic monitoring unit. I immediately let my ex-wife know about what I found, and she responded, “I’m aware of these, he’s explained them to me, his ex-wife is crazy, blah blah blah, and I’m not concerned, to be honest.”

I have contacted my attorney, and she’s looking at what we can do to either stop this or ensure the kids aren’t living with this man. Taking in a tenant is one thing, but inviting a potentially dangerous adult male to live with our minor children is an entirely different issue.

The kids are with me for the next few days, but they would go back to their mom’s house on Saturday. Other than having my attorney see if we can go to court or get some sort of injunction or emergency court order, I don’t know what to do. My attorney said that if he’s already living there, my ex-wife is in contempt of the agreement, so there may be something there that we can litigate through the courts. I know I can’t just keep the kids from her, so I’m scared I have to send them back on Saturday.

This is clearly a dangerous situation, and one that no right-minded individual would think is a good idea. I believe that this is more than a financial issue; I have to believe they are romantically involved.

I’m legitimately and rightfully concerned about the safety and well-being of my kids, a boy aged 9 and a girl aged 11. I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone. I haven’t slept or eaten in 4 days, and I’m having panic attacks regularly. I do have a call with a therapist tomorrow morning, but is there anything else I can do?

Note: All names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

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In the scenario described, a father is deeply concerned about his ex-wife’s decision to allow a man with a serious criminal record, including domestic violence, to move into her home where their children also reside. This situation raises significant red flags and necessitates urgent action to protect the children.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.Philippians 4:6-7

Legal Steps to Protect Your Children

Consult Your Attorney: The first step is to consult with your attorney. As mentioned, your attorney is already looking into possible legal actions, such as obtaining an emergency court order or injunction to prevent the man from living with your children. This is crucial, as the safety of your children is paramount.
File for Emergency Custody: Given the severity of the situation, you may need to file for emergency custody. This legal action can temporarily alter the custody arrangement to ensure your children are not exposed to potential harm. Courts take allegations of domestic violence very seriously, especially when children are involved.
Document Everything: Keep detailed records of all communications with your ex-wife regarding this issue. Document any evidence of the man’s criminal record and any other concerning behavior. This documentation will be vital in court.
Request a Background Check: If you haven’t already, request a formal background check through legal channels. While you have already conducted an informal check, a formal one may carry more weight in court.

Christian Principles in Action

As Christians, we are called to protect the innocent and act justly. Here are some biblical principles to guide you through this difficult time:

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.Psalm 34:17-18

Seek Wisdom and Counsel: Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Seek advice from trusted Christian friends, your pastor, and legal professionals.
Pray for Guidance: James 1:5 encourages us to ask God for wisdom: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him.” Pray for clarity and guidance as you navigate this situation.
Act with Courage: Joshua 1:9 reminds us to be strong and courageous: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Protecting your children may require difficult decisions, but trust that God is with you.
Love and Protect Your Children: Ephesians 6:4 instructs parents to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Part of this responsibility includes ensuring their safety and well-being.

Practical Steps for Immediate Safety

Keep the Children with You: If you believe your children are in immediate danger, keep them with you until the court can intervene. While this may be legally complex, their safety is the priority.
Involve Child Protective Services: If necessary, contact Child Protective Services (CPS). They can conduct an investigation and provide additional support and resources.
Seek Support from Your Church: Reach out to your church community for support. They can provide emotional and spiritual support, and may also offer practical assistance.

Navigating a situation where your ex-spouse’s decisions endanger your children is incredibly challenging. By taking legal action, seeking wisdom and counsel, and relying on your faith, you can protect your children and ensure their safety. Remember, God is with you every step of the way, providing strength and guidance as you act in the best interests of your children.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.Isaiah 41:10

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